May 26, 2008 by veronica.

After an almost 4 month-long hiatus from attending births, the last month has found me at 4 of them. They ranged from the very surreal (a dueling doula!) to absolutely awe-inspiring(Yay VBACs!!). And now, after months of refusing to pick up pregnancy books, I’ve found myself again consuming books about pregnancy and birth at an alarming rate.
With my daughter, I pored over books, trying to make sense of how things would go. “Wait, there are three stages? But one has three phases? What did they mean? And what the hell are these emotional signposts?” I knew it would be hard, but I had all the faith in the world in my resident OB. But very little faith in my own body. And, really, it was hard to have any faith in it, especially by the time my water broke. When that very-certain event happened, I had already experienced 3 “false alarms”. I was convinced my body couldn’t do it, but desperately tried to find some reassurance after each time that this was normal, and my body wasn’t broken. I wasn’t convinced, and I’m sure that’s part of the reason I had such a long, difficult birth. I was scared, my care providers kept reminding me that I should be scared, and I was certain my labor just wasn’t going to work out.
This time? This time I’m not wrapped up in my own pregnancy the way I was before; I’m more wrapped up in the subject of birth in general. Something sort of went off in me in the last few weeks and I’ve had this very intense need to work on….something. What I’m working on, I don’t know. But I know that I need to do a bunch of reading before I get a project figured out and I start to work on it. It may be an article for the professional journals I get. It may be something bigger. Again, I don’t know, but I know it’s growing, just as sure as this little boy in my stomach is growing, bit by bit every day.
So what about these “tigers”? Well, a “tiger”, according to Pam England, Author of Birthing From Within, are those fears women have about childbirth. She believes(and I strongly agree with her) that mothers have to face these fears so that they can has more positive birth experiences. Otherwise, these fears can cause all sorts of issues as they come out of the shadows for women.
After a meeting a few weeks ago, I was discussing a new study regarding childbirth that had been published. I’m a study nut. I really only believe in teaching evidence-based care, so that requires me to be up on the evidence. So we were talking about this study, which on the surface suggests one thing (that we can tell when women’s bodies are flawed and will need surgical help), but instead suggests something I know from other evidence( that it’s mostly a result of obstetric intervention). So we were discussing this study, and the doula asked me if knowing all of this stuff makes me nervous about my upcoming labor and birth.
My answer? Yes and No. I love knowing as much as I do. I love the fact that I have seen so many births have remarkable outcomes. I wish this wasn’t the case, but I know so much more than most American mothers know. In my case, I really truly believe that I can make informed decisions…mostly because I know ACOG and AWHONN guidelines, WHO targets, Cochrane database findings….All of that good stuff. All of that stuff that the “What to Fear”..errr…”Expect” books don’t tell you. (they make it sound like you can’t know anything…you’re not smart enough to understand any evidence, according to them!!!)
I do, however, have one very large tiger. I’m working very hard to confront him. My tiger? I’m am freaked out that I will have a care provider who refuses to listen to me, refuses to respect the process of birth, and who tries to control me through fear. I have seen this in so many labor rooms. I’m seen rude nurses who make up rules and facts as they go along, I’m seen midwives belittle the mother’s efforts, and I’ve seen OBs act without consent. It’s shocking and infuriating every time I see it happen, but I can’t ever do anything about it. I’m working very hard to ensure that I’ll have a respectful team around me once I do give birth again—There will be at least one doula, a midwife, a very informed husband, and hopefully a very skilled and sympathetic nurse. But at least this time, if I see a problem, I’ll be able to toss out anyone who does not treat this wonderful, awesome journey with the awe and respect it deserves.

Posted in Little boy in my belly, Living la vida Lamaze, The doula journey | 1 Comment »

March 24, 2008 by veronica.

I am in the midst of wading through what I now help many, many women wade through. Now that I am 4 months pregnant, it’s amazing how much easier things are not having to pick up books, wanting them to tell me the hundreds of things that could go wrong. I know what can happen. I know what to expect (without reading that terrible, awful book. Seriously? No educator recommends it!)and it’s been very nice navigating this pregnancy. I know few women take a refresher course (even though they should…just ask a mom who has), but I’m not because, well, I teach the darn thing!!!! However, there have been gut-wrenching choices to make. But yet I made them and I know it’s not based on fear that I’m sick or that I need someone to save me. It’s all very empowering. I do want to detail why i made the choices I have, and how I will continue to make those choices. I’m learning that pregnancy is just as much about growing a baby and growing in understanding and knowledge. I’ve got the basics down (again, because, hello, I teach them!!!), but I’m continually striving for more every day.

In the meantime, two things. Last weekend, I got together with some friends to watch Rikki Lake’s documentary, “The Business of Being Born”. You can rent it through Netflix right now. It’s excellent. I actually came away with a message one might not expect, but I will detail later. I just thought it was amazing to hear the OBs make some of their comments, but really, any one who seen many births knew that was the case. I just think it’s very thought-provoking.

Also, if you are so inclined, there was an article about Penny Simkin just written in Seattle. She’s the start of the doula movement, and many moms who have had kids would have gone through something Penny devised. You can fnd it here: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/pacificnw/2004299467_pacificpenny23.html
Anyway. That’s it for now.

Posted in Living la vida Lamaze, The doula journey, Reviews | 1 Comment »

August 2, 2007 by veronica.

Just wanted to have a quick post to say that, as of today, I am now a certified doula with DONA International.  I got the call in the form of a voicemail when I came home from work.  I am very excited and relieved.  One more thing down.  And it took less than a year!

I just like looking at it:

Veronica Jacobsen, CD(DONA)

Is that cool, or what?

Posted in The doula journey | 3 Comments »

July 20, 2007 by veronica.

And in some ways, it already has.

The new job?  Going fine.  It’s like this total mind warp to get back into the room I started in in 5 years ago.  Some of my little toddlers are still there….but not so little now.  I’m not sure if I like this working every day thing.  I got so used to being able to count on Tuesdays and Fridays to get so much done.  It’s also a massive difference going from an office environment back to chasing kids all day.  So I’m tired, yeah…and I miss Lily.  But thank GOD it’s not permanent.  At least my day to day stress level has decreased a few times over.  It’s strange..people get more messed up when it comes to just making money than when it comes to taking care of kids.  What do you think that says about our country??  Or me, for that fact?

I taught my first Lamaze class last night.  It went swimmingly.  It was fun and I made it through everything in almost exactly 3 hours.  YAY!   I teach again tomorrow for 6 full hours, and then one more night next week.  Then the last thing will be to take the certification exam in October.  Cool, huh?

I did line up a space finally to start teaching regular classes.   It should be nice and fun and hopefully I can fill the classes up.

Because I have been working so hard on writing my curriculum and lining up classroom space (which was FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE IN THIS DAMN TOWN!  Is everyone made of money?  What?  Most of them are?  Oh.), I have not had a chance to finish my marketing campaign to find postpartum clients or find more labor clients.  I did some work on my website, but I need to do more.  I had to put SOMETHING up to get my course design finished.  I should finish it in the next week or so.  I also need to come up with some logo and register with the state and….ugh.  At least I’m not working off of a deadline then.

Thanks God my sister Anna is here to help juggle all of this.  She has been our savior more than once.

Lily is still around.  She got a big girl bed (aka a toddler bed–no twin bed yet, thank you!) last weekend and now finally figured out she can bust into our room in the middle of the night.  The first time it happened, she scared the bejeezus out of me–she came flying in so fast, I thought we were being invaded!

We’ve also entered very serious negotiations now with Lily regarding the use of the potty vs changing diapers.  Things reached a boiling point this morning, but I think Lily now understands that as long as she keeps using her diapers, not changing her diapers is NOT an option.  She’s working very hard to be free of them and into to big girl undies.   Don’t worry–I’m not the potty Nazi, but once the process was explained in detail, I think she’s getting it, and that’s all I wanted.

So I’m hoping I’ll see people outside of work and my house and my clients again.  I know it’s strange and hard to relate to for most people.  I’m really lucky.  I’ve spoken with quite a few doulas whose husbands just don’t get the being gone at the drop of a hat idea and make life kind of tough.  I’ve been blessed with a husband who “got” it right away. But I take what I do very seriously, even though it is unconventional.  I could go back to a normal 9-5 routine, but is it really worth going through life missing out on what your calling is just so your schedule is “convenient”?  I say no.  But it will get better.  I’m not planning on any more certifications or trainings for at least another year, so I’m hoping that once I’m done working 40 hours a week on top of this, I’ll have breathing room and get to have free time again.

Posted in Living la vida Lamaze, The doula journey, Life | 2 Comments »

July 3, 2007 by veronica.

Today marks an exciting new chapter in my professional life.

After much careful thought and planning, I have made the decision to leave my job and my career in favor of a new journey.  I have accepted a temporary position at my old child care employer.  This will allow me flexibility that I need to continue to work as a birth doula as well as time to expand my practice to include childbirth education and work as a postpartum doula. I will start teaching regular classes late summer, early fall (just as soon as I get a facility nailed down), and I will start taking postpartum clients in late October.

My new position begins a week from tomorrow.  I will be working full-time, which will be a very difficult, although temporary, change.  In the meantime, I will be finishing my curriculum and wrap up some loose ends before life becomes very, very different.

Thus begins the life of a sole-proprietorship business.  God help me.

Posted in Living la vida Lamaze, The doula journey, Life | 5 Comments »

June 10, 2007 by veronica.

How many activities can be packed into a single weekend?  Well, I know now that it’s possible to:

• Shop at the MOA
• Shop at IKEA
• Visit a Sibling
• Multiply the dollars in your pocket
• Help a baby be born
• Stay overnight in Bloomington
• Visit a landmark that was once a movie set
• Score almost-free breakfast
• Lose at Air-hockey and then find out how pathetically old you are

Yes, it is possible to do all of that, just not in that order.

Friday marked our five year wedding anniversary.  To celebrate, we had planned a wonderful overnight trip without Lily, which was to include a trip to Valleyfair and then an overnight stay at Mystic Lake.  Unfortunately, Friday arrived and still no baby for my client, which meant there was no way I could leave town Friday night, as was originally planned.  She was scheduled for an “induction” on Saturday morning, so by Friday afternoon, we had made plans to get everything done that we usually do on Sundays (groceries, laundry) so that if baby came early enough on Saturday, we could still take our much-needed mini-vacay.  If baby still was not here by Saturday evening, I had very begrudgingly agreed that our trip would be postponed to another weekend (which would have thrown appointments for next weekend out of kilter, but I would have dealt with that.)

Well, wouldn’t you know, it, but while I was in the middle of a very special celebratory meal on Friday, the phone rang.  It was baby time.  Finally!  I had another very amazing, wonderful, eye-opening experience. Baby came into the world that night and I was home a little after 11pm.  You gotta love shorter labors.  That then meant our weekend plans were a go.

Because our plans were not set in stone until Friday night, we had not made any room reservations at Mystic Lake made until Friday.  When Chris called, though, the one room left was a smoking room, which we later were VERY glad not to tale because that casino is so DISGUSTINGLY smokey I would have wanted to sleep with my head out of the window.  We were gonna wing it Saturday night.

Saturday lunchtime found us at Valleyfair.  After a good, quick lunch, Chris and I set out to explore the wonders of the rides.  Or at leaset we thought about riding rides.  See, here was the funny thing:  It seems that since we were last there, we’ve gotten older.  And less willing to get thrown around at crazy speeds.  The massive coaster Wild Thing?  I was terrified (I once rode it 3 times in a row).  Tilt-a-Whirl?  Almost made me hurl (I think I rode that straight for 15 minutes on night a dozen years ago.) The short-but-jerky Excalibur?  I kept my eyes shut most of the time (I think I rode that 6 times in a row one year.)  Chris and I walked past ride after ride, rejecting them each because it was too scary, too wet, too spinny, etc.  We did watch the IMAX movie about dolphins.  We had a great time at the arcade.  However, 3.5 hours after arriving, we had to face the sad fact that we were too old and too concerned with our own well-being to get on any more rides, and left.

We then decided to go to a neaby mall. I knew exactly which mall I wanted to visit, but I had no idea where it was.  Chris had pointed it out once, but didnt remember ever going past it with me.  So we drove around Shakopee for awhile (and literally, we drove AROUND the tow, retracing our steps a couple of times before I remembered that it was some famous mall.  Chris then realized I was talking about the Eden Prairie mall, site of the movie set for Mallrats, so we drove to that mall, in search of fun.

Yeah, that mall was boring.  It had pretty much the same stores our mall has, just on two floors.  SNORE.   After 30 minutes, we got back in the car, but now to head south to Mystic Lake to gamble out money away.

How was Mystic Lake?  Well, to put it mildly, we won.  We won eough money to pretty much pay for our whole weekend, and then some.  Ok, it wasn’t a HUGE amount, but it was fun.  We had fancy dinner in the middle of gambling, them left dinner and threw our last $20 into the machines…and won a bunch more. Chris did a lot better than I did, but we had a really good time pressing buttons and watching the light flash when Chris hit one of the smaller jackpots on a bank of machines.  It was a good time.  However, we still did not have a place to stay, so we decided to head on up to Bloomington to find a hotel.

After stopping at a gas station, we realized we were just minutes away from Chris’s brother’s house.  Since he has internet, we stopped by to say hi and book a room.  We got one at a hotel just next to the MOA, and even got a great rate that included breakfast.   So off we went, first to shop (for a mere 40 minutes before the stores closed) and then to our wonderful hotel room, where Chris had a great (if overpriced) bottle of wine delivered to our room.  And, for the first time in almost 2 years, we both enjoyed a full night of quiet, uninterrupted sleep.

We had an awesome breakfast, thanks to our package deal.  They even had a waffle bar!  We went to IKEA to peruse the kids room items, then again to the MOA of do a little more shopping (and get there just in time for a fire to break out), and finished our weekend with a trip to the baby superstore to buy a bed in a bag for Lily’s soon-to-be refinished toddler bed.

Lily was happy to see us when we got her from Chris’s parents.  We were happy to see her.  But, all in all, it was a wonderful way to celebrate 5 years of wedded bliss, even if it did almost get derailed by a baby who refused to be born.

Posted in The doula journey, Reviews, Life | 3 Comments »

June 2, 2007 by veronica.

I’m not sure if I’ve gone through my struggles to become a childbirth educator before in this blog.  If I have, this is an update.  If not, then I guess it’ll be good to start at the beginning.

I was pretty open about the decision to become a doula.  It was a pretty easy one to make.  One day, I decided to become a doula, and I just started doing (doula-ing) it.  Yes, there were up and downs, and there still are, but it wasn’t tough to pick out a certifying organization.  It was easy to find training.  It hasn’t even been as tough as I thought it would be to find clients (which, by the way, I could still take a July client–otherwise my first open month is December).  I have to finish up 2 essays and I can submit my paperwork for the doula certification.  I’ll be certified soon!  YAY!

The process to become a childbirth educator, though, has been much more difficult.  Figuring out which organization to go with was tough.  Initially, because its HQ is in MN, I thought ICEA would be good.  However, they did not have any trainings scheduled for MN in the last part of 2006 or any of 2007.  When I called to ask about getting one scheduled her, The woman I spoke with very, very rude.  I looked at Lamaze, but the closest training last year was in SD, and that was actually canceled at the last minute.  I looked at other organizations, but they didn’t have trainings close by, either, and if they did, I totally did not support most of their teachings.

Just an aside.  Even though I tend to hop up on my soapbox pretty frequently, it’s very important for me to say that I am not a “militant” doula, nor will I be a biased CBE.  Instead, I firmly believe that everything has its place and time, and its important to know how to manage labor and birth without medication or interventions, but to use interventions when medically necessary.  This is called teaching an evidence-based curriculum.  Not all hospitals have evidence-based procedures, though.  HOWEVER, despite how I may feel about certain things, it’s not my decision.  I am concerned that a woman and her partner be given all information, good and bad, before making a decision.  I’d like to think I’m, at the end of the day, supportive, and that’s what matters most, since it’s not my birth to live with.

I just had to get that out there in case there was a perception that I thought all hospitals and OBs were bad because they are not midwives or homebirths.  So not true.

So, anyway, after lots of tears and much frustration, a Lamaze workshop was scheduled in MN- Shakopee to be exact.  I signed up right away.

I just got back from my final day of the workshop.  As wonderful as my doula training was, this was so amazing.  I am so excited now to get my curriculum put together and start teaching my first class.  I will be doing a class in late July, probably 2 weekends in a row.  I will be doing this free of charge, as it will be evaluated for the Lamaze powers-that-be.  I’ll sit for the exam in late October, and I will find out at the end of December if I passed or not.
I’ll be teaching my own classes next year unless something changes (and things are changing at warp speed right now).  And why would I want to do that?  Because I want to be offering the most exciting, engaging, informative, and effective classes in Rochester, and I think I can best do that under the Lamaze name and on my own.  I’d love to have more guinea pigs for the first class i teach, though.
So what did we do in our training workshop?  Well, lots of stuff.  I learned some brand-new things, learned what’s being discredited (Optimal fetal positing, for one thing), and I learned that I can do this!  It’s all very exciting.  I wanted this so badly, and now it’s another thing that’s becoming a reality.

And, yes, I am still waiting for a baby.  Que locura.

Posted in Living la vida Lamaze, The doula journey | 1 Comment »

May 28, 2007 by veronica.

On Friday, I, along with 2 other doulas, were interviewed by one local TV station. The story finally aired on tonight’s 6pm news. You can catch it again on Fox 47 tonight at 9.

I did tape it, and I’ve posted a link below.

http://www.kttc.com/News/index.php?ID=15490

Posted in The doula journey | No Comments »

May 19, 2007 by veronica.

One baby down, one to go…This labor took 3 hours from beginning to end. I get to sleep in my own bed tonight…unless baby #2 decides to come.

Posted in The doula journey | No Comments »

May 18, 2007 by veronica.

I Hate to wait for anything.  The only thing I hate more is being late.

I am now in that insane holding pattern that is waiting for a baby to come.  But for 2 moms.  Yes, I was crazy enough to take 2 clients at once.  I’ve spoken with both of of them in the last 24 hours, and labor could hit for real at any moment.  So what do I do?  Repack my doula bag so that the universe knows that I’m serious and these babies can come at any time now.  Do you hear me, universe?  ANY TIME NOW!

sigh

The bummer part is that I have to stay in town and keep the food supplies stocked in case I have to leave the house in a hurry.  No real fun-ness for me. This also means I am missing my baby sister’s graduation from college.  Congrats, Anna.  I am super proud of you.  We’ll party when you get home.  Maybe we’ll even have a reenactment.  I’m sure you don’t get that reference yet.  Maybe you won’t for awhile.  I’ll fill you in later.

All that’s left to say is…come on, babies!  I can’t wait to help bring you into this world!

Posted in The doula journey, Life | 1 Comment »