March 30, 2007 by veronica.

I have been avoiding my blog for a couple of weeks.  Yes, avoiding.  There’s something about posting that makes things so real, both bad and good.  I mean, once I post then they’ve hit what’s basically a public domain and there’s no use denying whatever I wrote. Long story short?  I am freaking out…with a smidgen of a panic attack thrown in.

I will be gone all of next week, taking a class that’s supposed to get me ready to take the Series 7 test on the 17th.  While I have been looking forward to this just so I can a have a real person explain some of these things to me (like bonds…I just don’t get them), I will be staying.  In Minneapolis.  All week.  No coming home allowed.  No Chris, no Lily, and well, no free time.  I don’t always get the most excited about upcoming events, but I don’t know if I’ve ever dreaded anything as much as this.  It really sucks.  The only thing that gets me through all of the studying and dread is by telling myself I have to get through this as quickly as possible so I don’t have to do it again.  I’ll pass, and then I can move on to better things.

In the meantime, I literally spend all of my free time studying and taking practice tests.   So, some of you may wonder what happened to me.  One of these days I will have time again and you will see my face.  The stress is just really getting to me, and, for better or for worse (I’m sure the latter), I kind of crawl into a cocoon until the storm subsides.

As for everything else…ugh…the drama.  Everything seems like it’s hit a rough patch… family (well, what’s left of mine), the doula stuff, work sucks…I’m just not sure what to do right now.  Well, no, that’s not true.  Study.  I just have to study for 18 more days, and that hopefully will be all over.  And then maybe I’ll be able to come up for air just long enough before I get sucked back into the grind.  Let’s hope it works that way.

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March 16, 2007 by veronica.

Well, we did it.  We made the leap into cloth diapers.  We initially tried some borrowed prefolds with a velcroed cover, but I found out that they are really hard to use on a toddler.  Lily is simply too squirmy.  That, and she’s got a kinda small bum, so I had to fold them funny to get the diaper to fit.

So yesterday, before Anna and I hit the MOA, we made our way up Snelling to the best baby products store ever.  They are the only place in MN where you can go and buy cloth diapers in person.  This was crucial, as I really, really, wanted to feel the diapers and really get a feel of how easy they were to use.  Intially, I was there to look at the AIO diapers, but I had recently gotten interested in the pocket diapers.  However, once I was able to really look at them, I ended up buying the Kissaluvs fitted diapers.  They are super easy to use– they snap on and are adjustable.  Also, they are very, very soft.  The only minor downside is that they require the use of diaper covers, but we already had a few bought in anticipation of putting Lil in training undies, so we were fine there.

We’ve only had a chance to put her in them twice, but I already love them.  She will still wear disposables at night and when we go out.  It will just be nice to know we are cutting down on the amount of waste we are creating.

One final note, though.  When I told the store owner at Peapods I had questions on cloth diapers, she eyed me supiciously and asked if it was for Lily, whom I was holding at the time.  I told her that they were.  She asked me then why I wanted to start using cloth.  I was caught off guard.  It was like I was trying to invade some super-secret club.  I looked her in the eye and said, “You know, my thoughts on parenting have really changed since she was born, and I’d really feel better using cloth diapers, so I figured it would be fine to start now.”  I guess the answer satisfied her.  She was pretty helpful after that.  I just hadn’t realized it would have been so eye-raising.

Posted in Raising baby | 3 Comments »

March 14, 2007 by veronica.

People will always tell you that having a baby changes everything.  Well, hopefully, yeah. it does.  If it doesn’t, that would mean you (well, you or that Indian woman whose womb you rented) had a child and then you have the nanny take care of little Junior (see Spears, Britney) while you go out and party with Paris.  Having a child may even mean that you no longer think Ralph Nader is a shrill, Bush-electing hack.

See, I listened to his visit on MPR last week.  He was there talking about traditions, but part of what he was talking about was how economy now has corporations basically raising our children for us.  They deliver them, feed them, diaper them, watch them, and entertain them.  We have our children in large hospitals, where the unpredictable course of labor is regulated and determined by a bunch of doctors, rather than having them with midwives (at a much lower cost!).  We use formula, because so many American women think nursing is “nasty”, “embarassing”, or just too difficult.  Well, that and so many doctors and nurses will still tell you that formula is better.  Both Mom and Dad have to work outside the home to make ends meet…and so we can have “fulfilling lives.”  Because we work, we look for the easiest, fastest, and cheapest way to get things done…but at what cost?

I have to say, I am trying to stop feeding the machine.  Yes, I still nurse.  I am seriously thinking of having a homebirth for the next child.  I work part time.  And now, we may be going to cloth diapers.  I’m trying.  At the end of the day, though, it’s not about me…it’s about Lily.  But I find it interesting how I used to think that Ralph Nader was a hack, and now I’m finding some truth to what he says.  Becoming a parent really does change you.

Posted in Soapbox anyone?, Raising baby | 2 Comments »